If you’ve only got a minute:
- Child abuse and neglect can happen anywhere, and to any child. The signs are not always obvious, and it is not always easy to know what to do if you suspect something is wrong. But one thing is clear: silence and inaction allow harm to continue.
- An upstander is someone who chooses to act when they witness harm, injustice or abuse, rather than staying silent or looking away.
- This guide details how to recognize signs of abuse; how to reach out with care to children; how to speak up in situations where harm may be occurring; and, finally, how to report suspected abuse.
Child abuse and neglect can happen anywhere, and to any child. The signs are not always obvious, and it is not always easy to know what to do if you suspect something is wrong. But one thing is clear: silence and inaction allow harm to continue. We all have a part to play in protecting children. Being an upstander means choosing to act with empathy, responsibility, and courage when we notice something concerning.
What is an Upstander?
An upstander is someone who chooses to act when they witness harm, injustice or abuse, rather than staying silent or looking away. In the context of child protection, an upstander is someone who:
- Recognises and acts when a child may be experiencing abuse or neglect
- Is a defender and supporter of children’s rights and dignity
- Stands up for safety, wellbeing, and compassion
- Encourages others to speak up and support children
Being an upstander is about more than just reacting in a moment. It is a commitment to creating a safer, more caring community for all children.
How to Be an Upstander if You Suspect a Child is Being Harmed
If you suspect a child may be experiencing abuse or neglect, there are many ways you can act – safely, supportively, and responsibly.
1. Reach Out with Care
If you know the child or family personally and it feels appropriate, gently check in. Let the child or parent know you are someone who cares. You might say:
- “Hey, how have things been going for you lately?”
- “I’ve noticed [something specific], and I just want to check in to see if everything is okay.”
Be mindful not to pressure the child or parent to disclose anything. Simply being a supportive presence can sometimes make a difference. But if you continue to see signs of abuse, be prepared to take further action.
2. Look Out for Signs
Abuse and neglect can take many forms, including physical, emotional, sexual abuse, and neglect. Common signs may include:
- Unexplained injuries (bruises, burns, cuts)
- Sudden changes in moods or behaviour (withdrawal, fearfulness, aggression)
- Poor hygiene, malnutrition, or signs of neglect
- Age-inappropriate sexual behaviour or knowledge
- Repeated absences from school or reluctance to go home
While there may sometimes be other explanations for these signs, they should be taken seriously, especially when they appear in combination. Trust your instincts. If something feels wrong, it’s okay to ask questions or seek support.
3. A.C.T.
Your role as an upstander isn’t to criticise or confront the adult with the child (parent, caregiver, educator). Instead, it’s to gently interrupt harm, especially when a child looks fearful, ashamed, or withdrawn – to show care for the child, and signal to the adult that kindness matters.
It’s not unusual to hear comments directed at children like:
“Aiyoh, this is so simple, where’s your brain, in the toilet?”
“Why are you so stupid/slow?”
“You always mess things up! Why can’t you be more like your sister!”
“If you don’t behave, I’ll leave you here.”
These may be said out of stress or frustration, but repeated criticism or public shaming can affect a child’s sense of safety and self-worth.
The A.C.T. approach offers a compassionate way to respond:
A = Ask: If you feel safe to do so, you might gently ask the adult, “Everything okay?” or “Tough day huh?” This simple gesture shows concern without accusing, and can open space for empathy or reflection. A calm, non-judgmental tone can reduce defensiveness and let the adult feel seen, not shamed.
C = Choose: Silence can feel like agreement. Choose instead to be a quiet advocate. You might choose instead to show quiet solidarity – smiling at the child, offering a kind word later, or simply staying present without judgment. If you’re close to the adult, check in later with care: “I noticed earlier – you seemed really stressed. Want to talk about it?”
T = Teach: Model respectful ways of speaking with children. Children learn how to treat others by watching adults. When you speak respectfully – even in tense moments – you show what care can look like. Whether you’re a parent, educator, or passerby, your respectful, caring interactions send a message: children deserve to be spoken to with dignity.
4. Speak Up. Don’t Look Away
If you witness or suspect abuse, report your concerns to the proper authorities. You do not need to have proof – only reasonable suspicion. Reporting can connect a child and family to the help they need.
How to Spot and Respond to Signs of Abuse
Being part of a child-safe community means staying alert—not alarmist. You don’t have to be a professional to notice when something feels off. Here’s what you can do:
Be Observant
Keep an open and caring eye out, especially if you regularly interact with children – whether you’re a neighbour, teacher, relative, or a member of the community. You don’t need to jump to conclusions, but noticing consistent shifts in a child’s mood, appearance, or behaviour is key.
Build Trust and Stay Curious
If a child seems withdrawn or distressed, you can gently ask open-ended questions to understand more:
- “I noticed you seem quiet today—want to talk about anything?”
- “Is everything okay at school or at home?”
Creating a safe space for conversation over time helps children feel seen, and more likely to open up when they’re ready.
Keep Notes (If You’re Concerned)
If you’ve seen repeated warning signs or have an ongoing concern, it can help to jot down what you observe. Patterns over time can reveal more than isolated incidents, and this information may help authorities respond more effectively if a report is made.
What to Do If a Child Discloses Abuse
If a child tells you that they’ve been hurt or are scared at home or elsewhere, your response can deeply shape how they recover and whether they get help.
Here’s what to do:
- Stay calm and listen. Avoid reacting with shock or disbelief. Let the child speak freely and at their own pace.
- Affirm and believe them. Say something like, “Thank you for telling me. I believe you, and it’s not your fault.”
- Don’t promise secrecy. Let the child know you may need to share what they’ve told you with someone who can help.
- Write down what they said. As soon as you can, record their words accurately, including any names, times, or details.
- Explain the next step. Let them know you’ll speak to a trusted adult or professional to make sure they’re safe.
How to Report Suspected Child Abuse in Singapore
Everyone has the right to feel safe. If you or someone you know is experiencing abuse, do not ignore the situation. Trained professionals are available to help.
In Cases of Immediate Danger
- Call the Police: 999
- SMS the Police (if unable to speak): 70999
To Report Suspected Abuse or Violence (Non-Emergencies)
Contact the National Anti-Violence and Sexual Harassment Helpline (NAVH):
- Call: 1800-777-0000 (Airtime charges apply for mobile calls to 1800 service lines)
- Make an Online Report: NAVH Reporting Form
Before Reporting:
- Your report can help protect a child – even if you’re unsure.
- Information is kept confidential.
- There is no civil or criminal liability for making a report in good faith.
- Try to provide as much detail as possible:
You can also:
- Approach a trusted adult (e.g. school counsellor or teacher) if you are a student.
- Check with your local Family Service Centre (FSC) for guidance or support.
A Message to Our Communities
It takes a village to raise a child – and it takes all of us to protect one.
Whether you’re a neighbour, teacher, relative, coach, or passerby – your concern matters. Being an upstander doesn’t mean you have to solve everything. It simply means you care enough to act, to reach out, or to make a call that could change a child’s life.
Let us build a Singapore where children are seen, heard, and safe.
Be an Upstander. Not a bystander.
