If you only have a minute:
- Emotional neglect is Singapore’s most commonly reported Adverse Childhood Experience (ACE), with 46.5% of Singaporeans reporting it in childhood according to IMH.
- Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN) is often subtle and unintentional. It can include dismissing feelings (“Don’t be so sensitive”), emotional disengagement, lack of warmth, or withholding comfort and support.
- Research links emotional neglect to long-term risks including anxiety, depression, suicidality, and alcohol abuse — even when children are otherwise physically cared for and academically successful.
- By recognising how emotional neglect can become normalised across generations, parents and caregivers can begin breaking the cycle and building more emotionally responsive relationships with children.
In February, Ikea Singapore sold out of its orangutan plushie after videos of a Japanese baby macaque, Punch – who had been abandoned by his mother – went viral. Baby macaques are completely dependent on their mothers for care and comfort, so the zookeepers had provided Punch with the Ikea plushie as a “substitute.” Clinging desperately to the plush toy, Punch provides a heartbreaking visual image of what emotional neglect looks like – not only in macaques, but in their close cousins: us.
While this is an extreme case, it illustrates a basic point. Research shows that emotional neglect of any severity can have a profound and lasting impact on children. Emotional neglect is recognized as an “Adverse Childhood Experience” (ACE) – that is, as a traumatic experience that is linked to many of the same long-term risks as sexual or physical abuse. Children who experience emotional neglect are much more likely to develop mental health disorders in adulthood, including anxiety and depression. IMH reports that childhood emotional neglect is associated with mood and anxiety disorders, alcohol abuse, and suicidality among Singaporean adults.
And this is a problem, because 46.5% of all Singaporeans experienced emotional neglect during childhood (again, according to IMH).
Emotional neglect is, by far, Singapore’s most common ACE. And reported rates in Singapore are much higher than in many overseas studies. For comparison, a high-quality ACEs study from Philadelphia (representing a population with relatively low educational attainment and relatively high levels of poverty) reported only a 7.7% prevalence of emotional neglect there, though physical neglect rates were higher.
Why is Singapore’s rate so high? And what does childhood emotional neglect look like here?
What Is Childhood Emotional Neglect?
Childhood Emotional Neglect (CEN) refers to a parent’s failure to respond adequately to a child’s emotional needs. CEN can make children feel unloved, like their own feelings are unimportant or “wrong,” or like expressing their emotions will make them “a burden” to others. CEN can often be more difficult to spot than emotional abuse (which includes name-calling, shouting/ screaming, bullying, and humiliating/ demeaning language), but this does not make it less harmful.
CEN can take two forms, both of which are damaging.
Active emotional neglect can include behaviors like:
- Punishing expression – Scolding or shaming a child for acting sad or frightened
- Mocking vulnerability – Teasing or humiliating a child when they are afraid, embarrassed, or upset (perhaps from a desire to “toughen them up”)
- Dismissing or invalidating feelings – Consistently responding to distress with statements like, “You’re overreacting,” “Don’t be so sensitive,” “Big boy/girl still cry for what?”
Passive emotional neglect can look like:
- Lack of affection or warmth – Rarely expressing affection or encouragement, either verbally or in physical ways like hugging (think about baby Punch – human children need to be hugged, too!)
- Emotional disengagement – Showing little interest in a child’s feelings or experiences; for instance, never asking about anything except for grades/ schoolwork
- Withholding comfort or support – For young children, ignoring them when they are crying or seeking comfort; for older children, not noticing or failing to provide reassurance or guidance when they experience failure or conflict
CEN is not a one-time event; it is a pattern of behaviour. When these moments happen consistently, they can add up to emotional neglect.
Where Does Singapore’s Emotional Neglect Problem Come From?
Many people don’t realize that emotional neglect can co-exist with physical care; the harm it causes is often unintentional. Research suggests that CEN is especially prevalent in many Asian countries, where “good parenting” can be defined as the ability to provide for the child’s physical, rather than emotional, wellbeing. Local mental health clinic, Promises Healthcare, writes:
“Some parents may not actually realise that they have been shutting their child(ren) out emotionally. In Asian societies in particular, some parents are commonly labelled as “authoritarian” or “tiger parents”. These people may in fact perceive themselves to be giving the absolute best to their child, enforcing strict discipline and ensuring that their offsprings are well-equipped with the best skills to succeed in life. However, young children and teenagers may instead be overwhelmed by such demands, and feel as if their feelings were never considered or understood.”
This is substantiated by research data. Meta-analytic research estimates CEN’s global prevalence at around 14%; in China, however, it’s 40%. Here in Singapore, all races have a comparably high rate of CEN, according to IMH.
Noting that rates of CEN are higher among older Singaporeans, IMH researchers write:
“It is possible that parents in 1950s or 1960s in Singapore were busy trying to make ends meet, leading to benign neglect. It could also be a cultural influence of the more reserved (and less emotionally demonstrative) parenting style among the older generation.”
While it’s true that parenting has changed since the ‘50s, CEN unfortunately remains a real problem in Singapore. A 2025 study found that 74.6 % of Singaporean university students reported childhood emotional neglect; while this is not representative of the broader population, it is a striking indication that such experiences are still commonly reported even among “high-performing” cohorts.
Perhaps this isn’t too surprising: as parents, most of us have a natural tendency to imitate what our own parents did, especially in moments of pressure or discomfort. If responding to a child’s deeper emotional needs feels uncomfortable for us, that may be an echo of our own upbringing. By recognising this tendency within ourselves, we can avoid perpetuating and normalising emotional neglect for the next generation.
