“Much of what a child thinks and believes about self and the world is dependent on the adults around them, be it parents, educators or the community. It is safe to say therefore that the child buys into the adult version of what is success. The more expansive and holistic the definition is, the better it is for the growth of the child, for the adults they will be, and the parents they will become in the future. Similarly, the narrowed down version of that same success can directly impact the well-being of the child and the generations to come thereafter.
I echo many research data when I say the idea of success needs to change if we want things to be better for our children. Over the last 3 decades, educators, researchers, and parents across the world have been concerned about the damaging effects of high stakes exams on the motivation and self-esteem of the students, especially, when they are at the primary level. As a therapist to children and adolescents, I can see the damage happening at an alarming rate and I am concerned for their well-being.
60% -70% of the children and teens that I see from the local schools present symptoms related to academic pressure or exhibit stress around high stake exams and often the onset of their mental health issues can be traced to either during or after the PSLE. Usually, a child comes to me at age eleven or twelve, struggling to cope with the stress of performing. They are afraid of not only failing to reach their expectations, but they are also afraid to disappoint their parents (and teachers). Not many know that the second part bothers them more and causes them extreme distress. They are still young, and so they haven’t yet learnt to detach themselves from the stress of performance and the race of doing better than their peers (who have suddenly become competitors and are no longer their friends). Not to mention that their secure base, their parents, have also become task-masters and anxious strangers instead of the nurturers that they once were. The teachers, who could have been their role models for patience and support now seem overly concerned with only what they can do (and achieve) and not who they are. This causes them great concern and impacts them deeply. The young people get overwhelmed with the changes that are forced upon them- they sometimes wilt. At this junction, the parents get alarmed because they see their otherwise bright, loving and carefree child becoming more and more reticent and withdrawn, not to mention, competitive and irritable. That’s when they seek help.
The next group that comes to me belongs to the age group of 14 to 18. Regardless of the issues they present, one critical turning point in their lives seems to revolve around a high stakes exam, especially if they haven’t done well. As a result, they become a shadow of their former self. What follows them is a belief that they are not good enough. What follows them is a fear of failure. What follows them is an eroded sense of self-worth. It is sad to see young people with no hope in their eyes but this is not surprising. Identity begins to develop in the early adolescent years and this is the time when they internalise much that happens around them and much that happens to them. As such, failure and shame can become part of their identity. The labels stick for a long, long time.
Now the thing is that this is not what happens to everyone. An important aspect of mental health and exam pressures is that there are individual differences when it comes to stress tolerance and impact of high stress and pressured situations. Children react and respond to stressors in different ways, and no, it doesn’t mean that they have diminished IQ, EQ or capabilities. There are multiple factors at play, and some of them include genetics and environment. Therefore, the same exam that motivates one to do better can also rob many others of their agency, making them freeze with fear. Does that mean that these people are failures? No, because very often, the same people, when healed, are highly capable, and they go on into the world to do great things. I have seen the proof of that too, but not before they have spent many years struggling with low self-esteem and tons of guilt and shame. Did they really have to go through all that? Also, what happens to those who don’t get the support or the chance to heal?
We, as a society need to cater to all and nurture both the groups of students. Right now, we seem to be partial to just one group- the one that is motivated to do well in exams and the one that (perhaps) gained more from high stakes exams. In my viewpoint, no one really gains. The stress that comes with these exams are felt in every child-parent relationship, deteriorating it and robbing it of precious moments of nurturing. A child can only flourish as a successful, creative and well-adjusted adult when they have had a secure childhood, where shame and labels were not prevalent, and where stress did not diminish joys of learning. Childhood should be full of curiosity and wonder, and early adolescence should be full of non judgemental spaces to figure out one’s identity.
Research proves that high stress situations at a young age coupled with puberty increases chances of mental health issues, such as anxiety and depression. It’s not surprising then that mental health issues in children and youth are increasing at an alarming rate. Though efforts are being made to change things, there’s a lot more to be done. We now know that children and adolescents who have been exposed to stress are at a higher risk of developing mental health issues, and we are seeing this right in front of our eyes. So, should we hold on to the archaic ideas of measuring capabilities or is it time to edit what we know based on new research?
It is difficult to define success at age twelve through high-stakes exams, especially if it impacts mental health in the long term. As PM Lawrence Wong rightly said, we need to prioritise well-being for our youth and children, and for that we need to have a “mindset shift” to what is ‘success’. This shift can only be achieved when parents, educators, policy makers and society prioritise the next generation’s well-being as true success. Is it time then to reform High Stakes Exams at the end of primary school and embrace learning that allows exploring and collaborating rather than competing and stressing? Is it time to let the educators and parents be off the PSLE hook as well? Instead of monitoring grades, the parents and educators can then be free to monitor growth, and be free to laugh along with the children under their care.”
Written by Prionka Ray , Psychotherapist & Well-being Consultant
