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If you’ve only got a minute:

• Beyond Grades: Raising children is about more than just good grades. We need to look at their whole development.
• Feelings Matter: Help children understand and manage their feelings. Talk about emotions, teach coping skills like deep breathing, and let them know it’s okay to struggle.
• Strong Bonds: Building a strong, supportive relationship with your child is key. Be there for them, and adjust your parenting to their needs.
• School Support: If your child is stressed about school, talk to the teachers. It’s okay to ask for changes or extra help.
• Future Skills: Children need skills like creativity, problem-solving, and teamwork for the future. Encourage these through play, exploration, and group activities.
• AI and the Future: In a world with AI, human skills are super important. We need to raise children who are adaptable, thoughtful, and good with people.
• Ditch the Tunnel Vision: Let’s stop focusing only on grades and look at the whole child. Raising well-rounded, happy, and capable children starts with us.

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Fellow parents, let’s be real – in Singapore, we often get caught up in our children’s academic milestones. It’s like we have tunnel vision, focusing mainly on grades as the key to success. We’re all guilty of it! But, raising children is so much more than just pushing for top scores. There’s a whole world of development beyond that.

At EveryChild.SG, we believe it’s time to broaden our view. Let’s work on building our children’s emotional intelligence, creating strong bonds with them, and teaching them the skills they need for the future.

Let’s Talk Feelings: Boosting Emotional Intelligence

The learning expectations on our children in primary schools today are intense compared to even just 10-15 years ago! So many complex words and concepts. No wonder stress levels are up. So, let’s teach them how to understand and manage their emotions.

How do we build their empathy and emotional awareness?

• Encourage them to talk about their feelings.
• Help them identify and express their emotions with people they trust.
• When they’re confused by someone’s behavior, show them how to see things from another person’s perspective.
• Show them it’s okay to lean on loved ones during tough times.

We can also give them tools for emotional management:

• For external problems: brainstorm solutions together.
• For things they can’t change: teach them how to regulate their inner emotions.
• Let them know that even adults struggle with emotions sometimes.
• Introduce simple coping skills like deep breathing and self-soothing. 

By having these open conversations, we build their confidence and adaptability. They’ll become more resilient adults with the coping skills they need.

Building Strong Bonds: The Importance of Secure Attachments

Emotional development and strong parent-child bonds, or secure attachments , in childhood lead to positive social behaviors. These are crucial for healthy relationships. Middle childhood (6-12 years) is a key time for this, but we often get distracted by academic goals like the PSLE.

Remember that building secure attachments is ongoing. Show empathy, be emotionally available, and adjust your parenting style to their development needs.

Why should we parent in a way that fits our child’s development needs?

As Asian parents, many of us were raised to respect authority, and it’s natural to carry that into our own parenting. But we quickly learn that there’s no one-size-fits-all approach. If we push rigid rules on our children before they’re ready to understand them, we’re only making things harder for everyone.

So how do we adjust our parenting?

• Understand your child’s unique needs at each stage of development – physical, mental and emotional.
• Try a respectful parenting approach:
  • Remember, children are individuals who need to be seen, heard and accepted like any other person.
  • Learn how to be warm and supportive while being firm (authoritative parenting), rather than rigid, strict and emotionally disconnected (authoritarian parenting).
  • Adjust your expectations to match their mental and emotional development. (Example: Don’t expect young children to share perfectly before 5-7 years old, before that they’re still very “me-centric.”)
• Try using positive discipline:
  • Explain the “why” behind the rules in a way they can understand, not just the “what”.
  • Give them time to understand these reasons.
  • Have open conversations to build mutual understanding and secure relationships.

Being Your Child’s Advocate at School

A strong parent-child relationship helps children at school. They feel safe sharing their struggles, and they form better relationships with peers and teachers.

When they share their struggles, figure out what you can manage at home and what needs to be addressed at school.

• If schoolwork is causing extreme stress, talk to the school and negotiate expectations.
• It’s okay to question teachers/ the system respectfully! If expectations are too high and causing stress/ suffering for your children, speak up.

Most schools do try to accommodate your child’s needs where they can. They may extend deadlines or provide extra support. Advocating for your child can lead to better mental health outcomes and stronger bonds with you. A larger movement of parents speaking up could even lead to changes in the education system. At EveryChild.SG, we’re all for smaller class sizes and less emphasis on high-stakes exams.

Future-Proofing Our Children: 21st Century Skills

Our children need more than just good grades to succeed. They need innovation, problem-solving and people skills. So, how do we help them build these?

• Encourage innovation through creativity and exploration:
  • Support artistic expression like drawing, music and imaginative play.
  • Make time for unstructured play and outdoor exploration in nature.
  • Let their natural curiosity flourish!
• Build problem-solving confidence by giving them more freedom/ agency:
  • Let them try new things and figure things out on their own or with other children.
  • Guide them when needed, and brainstorm solutions together.
  • This shows them the value of teamwork.
• Improve interpersonal skills through teamwork and communication:
  • Create opportunities for group activities and sports outside of school.
  • Give them more responsibilities at home to let them practise their teamwork and leadership skills.
  • Model effective communication, like active listening.
  • Show interest in their lives and relationships to create a supportive environment.

“Okay, but What About the Time?”

Yes, our time with our children is limited. And focusing on emotional and social skills means less time for academics. But the world is changing fast because of AI. It’s not just about good grades anymore. Our kids need to be able to adapt, think for themselves, and connect with others. These are the things AI can’t do!

So, let’s help them grow their emotional intelligence, learn to work with people, have good mental health, and get good at solving problems. Children who are flexible, kind, and eager to learn new things, will be ready for whatever the future brings.

So let’s ditch the tunnel vision focus on grades, and expand our focus to the whole child instead. Nurturing resilient, emotionally secure, and well-rounded children starts with us.